Mallorca Fake News

Trump deploys National Guard, US Marines to Mallorca By our rioting correspondent Dee Sobedience US President Donald Trump has announced that he will be deploying the National Guard and the Marine Corps to Palma and other likely Mallorca trouble spots in advance of Sunday's planned demonstrations in favour of better housing, which our editorial staff expect (and, frankly, fervently hope, as we could use some incoming clicks from other English-language outlets) will escalate into unprecedented violence. Trump's actions come as hundreds of thousands of European tourists are cancelling their US holiday plans in favour of somewhere closer to home. Said a White House spokesperson: "People seem to be afraid to come to America right now, so we need to make them afraid to vacation in Europe too. The President is going to level the playing field. And indeed Magaluf too." German Chancellor Friedrich Merz was last night reported to be in crisis talks with senior figures in the T...

Things are complicated and it makes my brain hurt By our resident curmudgeon, Y. O. Wye Why can't the entire population of Mallorca make up their minds about what they want? Some people say they want fewer tourists. But then some other people say they want economic growth. Some people say they want to protect the environment, and yet some people still drop litter! Honestly, I'm fed up. It's quite baffling how this could happen. Why can't almost a million people just agree on something for once? Here at Mallorca Fake News, the entire editorial staff has no trouble agreeing on when to start drinking, so it's the same principle, just scaled up a bit. Let's get the entire population of the island get together and all agree exactly on what they want. Then, and only then, can we even begin to think about doing anything to actually fix any of the problems that we face. (Is this OK? 150 words, more or less. I could murder a caña.) I agree with Nigel