Mallorca Fake News

90-in-180 day rule to be discussed by Trump, Putin, Zelenskyy By our European affairs correspondent, Pablo Honey Mallorca Fake News has learned that the post-Brexit rule that allows British visitors to spend no more than 90 days out of any 180 in the Schengen area will be a key item on the table at the forthcoming peace talks between US President Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, scheduled for Riyadh next month. A spokesman for President Putin said: "Although the three of us disagree about many things, we are united in our determination to stop British expat news outlets wanging on about this issue, just because one of their editors has a mate with a villa near Mijas that he used to basically live in full-time under the radar. Seriously, if Zelenskyy could just get the nod from Sánchez we would be able to take the place out with a Kinzhal hypersonic missile in under an hour." President Zelenskyy's spokesperson add...

Easter tourism is up! And down! By our hokey-cokey correspondent, Al Bondigas Despite the impression that we may have given in exactly half of the articles we have published on the topic for the past month, bemoaning the lack of bookings, visitor numbers to Mallorca were up this Easter. (In the other half of the articles, of course, we told you that bookings were up.) But if we squint really closely, we can see that there has been a slight drop in the number of 50 to 59 year old visitors from the Czech Republic, following a cancellation by Jan and Tereza Karbanátek of Brno due to a family funeral. If this trend were to be repeated across other age groups and countries — a possibility for which there is no evidence whatsoever, but it looks scary when we write it like that — then tourism in Mallorca could collapse, leading to riots in the streets. Which would be terrible, but it would give us something to write about. Join us tomorrow for more meaningless just-so stories about tourism nu...