New visa needed for Britons coming to Mallorca

By our made-up content reporter, A. I. Slopp

It has been announced that from next year, all British visitors coming to Mallorca will need a special new visa to enter. The MFUKR (Mallorca: Foreigners-from-UK Regulation) visa, as it is known, will cost €200 per person, double for children, and allow the holder to spend up to 21 days on the island.

EU citizens, Americans, and all other nationalities will be exempt from the visa, which according to the voices in my head has been introduced specifically to target UK citizens, because everyone in the local government has gone absolutely stark raving mad. It is well-known that spending by British tourists on cocktails with names like "Spunky Donkey" and t-shirts saying "To Do List: Your Mum ✅" account for about 85% of Mallorca's GDP.

On the seafront road in Palma Nova yesterday, we asked two British tourists, Baz from Basildon and Carl from Carlisle, what they thought about this entirely fictitious new travel restriction. They commented, "Spain needs us more than we need them. Simple as".

The only thing saving Mallorcans from grinding poverty


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